I've been trying talk to many of you personally about the tragedy but somehow nobody truly understood what I was going to say (still, thank you so much for being there for me in these hard times, it means a lot). After doing this for several days I felt the need to think about why this relationship was so important to me and why I feel that this was the best friendship I could possibly imagine in my life.

I suspect all of us know what it means to "just don't fit in". Imagine you're doing a couple of things that nobody understands in your environment. Then one day somebody walks into your life with sincere interest in you and starts doing some of the things you do and introduces you to some new that you've never considered before. You are doing this for many years and then notice that you both have the same dreams, goals and passion. You realize how wonderful it is that you've born to the same place so you can meet frequently and work on your life together.

For many years, we've been setting and achieving goals all the time.

We have set the goal to reach complete financial freedom within less than 10 years. I have retired from many of my projects while he has left school to work on this. We've been very much into entrepreneurship and business. Planned to rent an office in 2 months. We loved elegant clothing even on average days and already bought some new clothes to wear all the time.

We've been very much into djing so we started a group for the purpose. We learnt together the basics of music production. We have decided to open our sound studio this Spring (Resonant Sound). The studio offers radio jingles, web music (flash intros, ads, rich content) and audiobook production in the beginning. Besides that we are producing music mainly in the trance, r&b and hip-hop genres.

As most of you know, I am partially working in the PHP world. He has joined my experiment this month to make it a success together.

We were both interested in personal development and have learned a lot together from authors and speakers like Harv Eker, Robert Kiyosaki, Steve Pavlina, Eckhart Tolle, David R Hawkins and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. We used to discuss and put into practice immediately what we've learned.

We used to spend most of our free time together eating out, enjoying coffees, traveling, watching movies. It was as natural for us to talk in English as in our primary language.

For a long time, we've been planning to do some sports together and we constantly motivated each other to eat healthy foods. It was so much fun.

We had the same values. We liked and cared about and always looked up to each other very much. We had the willingness to accept each other unconditionally.

Isn't it obvious why we kept telling that "you're the one who understands me the most on this planet?". Imagine you don't fit in in as many areas as I just mentioned and found somebody who feels the very same. Now, imagine such a friend living within 15kms (not to mention our decision to move next door in some years).

I feel so extremely lucky and grateful to have had this relationship in my life. I believe I'm never going to have such a friend again who is my mate whether it's about work, music, fun or free time.

His death has changed me in many ways. Most importantly, I have accepted death as a natural part of human life. I'm not afraid of it anymore. I'm ready to die at any time. I'm not going to end my life by myself but whenever the time comes, I welcome it. Until then, I am here to experience what life is like. I feel stillness and experience no fear now. Things that were so scary two weeks ago just don't matter now at all.

Thank you so much for being part of my life, Arctis. I wish you peace wherever you are now. I'm sure it's impossible to experience such a friendship again and most of the people don't understand that but you do and that's all that matters.